TD Training Entry #13: Gettin’ Down to Business

You may think I’ve been cold hard slackin’ on the ol’ training blog lately, and you’d be right, but I’m going to ask for mercy from my jillions of readers universe-wide (seriously, Pat, does anyone read this blog besides you?)  and let you know that there are a multitude of very good reasons for the aforementioned slackage.  For starters, feast your eyes on the image to the left.  That’s me on my first 100+ mile multi-day ride, featuring fully loaded TD kit, out in Huntsville, TX last weekend.  Joining me as always was my friend and training partner, Pat Smith, seen in the second picture at mile 75 on Saturday.  Layin’ around on the job again, Pat, good lord!  Ha!  Pat’s previous best had been 54 miles out at the Red River Riot (more about that soon), so this 100 miles was a torturous, ass-dragging, and ultimately triumphant affair for him. 

 My previous best had been 85 miles on the weekend before, and for the first time in my training, I felt strong from beginning to end, even with the non-stop climbing and the extra weight of all the gear.  I suppose it helped that we were fueling like kings on a mock TD diet of M&M’s, Skittles, Pop Tarts, Fritos, pizza, chocolate milk, and so forth.  ‘Tis the Food of the Gods, of whom we were loyal subjects that day.  Pat took off the next morning, so I mounted up in full rain gear and braved the storms for another half a day before making the 2 hour drive home.  And may I say right now how much it sucks having to get in your truck after churning out miles like that and just SIT there for 2 hours while your body gets stiff and sore?  Yes, I believe I may.  IT SUCKS.  Such is my fate, however, if I am to escape the flatlands of Houston and get some meaningful miles in. 

It was a great test for me as I inch my way torwards legitimate TD competitor, and I was thrilled to have accomplished what I did and come home smelling like roses.  Roses dipped in shitbaskets.  And we had some very memorable adventures to boot, like when our route, which had been mapped somewhat haphazardly on MapMyRide.com, lead us down a dirt road straight into someone’s house, instead of, well, THROUGH like it should have.  A pack of mangy muts came barreling at us, which we have become accustomed to, and as we turned around and booked it out of there, the dogs gradually fell away one by one, except for the friggin’ Carl Lewis of dogs, who barked at me incessantly while staying right on my back tire for well over a mile.  I tell you I was in high gear nailin’ it down this road and the freakin’ Ayatollah of All Endurance Dogs never faltered or fell behind.  So I hocked a few loogies on his head, and I swear his fur just absorbed them like the T-1000 absorbed bullets in Terminator II.  So I sprayed my hand sanitizer in his face, which as least shut his yap for about three seconds.  But the son of a gun kept on bullying me, so I tossed a bag of Sharkies at him, which I hate anyway.  He glanced at them as they hit the ground (I guess he hates them too) and continued his tirade against me.  Just as I resigned myself to the fact that the little bastard was just going to have to come home with me, he abruptly ended his protest and allowed me to catch my breath enough to cuss out Pat for routing us right into Fred Sanford’s front door.   Ha, kidding, I actually enjoyed the experience.  Just another good story to tell.  It was also pretty cool when we ducked into “Porky’s Icehouse” for some burgers and fries and the Harley guys stood around checkin’ out our rigs.   

So that’s me in my bivy sack in a light rain.  Not sure that I ultimately want to go with the setup you see here or not.  My down bag, though, warm and lightweight, is kind of a pain in the ass.  I don’t know….further experimentation is required.  The whole gallery is below, followed by more updates:

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Two weeks ago, I had a great solo adventure out in Brehnam, TX, where I cranked out 85 miles, some of it on the ACA’s Southern Tier route across America.  That was pretty sweet ridin’.  Lots of climbing, lots of lonely dirt roads, and many great country folks pulling over to offer me help as I rested on the side of the road, inventing magic tricks involving my mouth and Twizzlers.  I graciously declined, and mentally compared these very nice people to the carbon based organisms that I encounter while riding in the Houston area.  “Get out of the road, fa**ot!”  Ah, Houston. 

So on January 23rd, Pat and I raced (kinda) in the Red River Riot, a 116 mile endurance ride in Saint Jo, Tx.  What a blast!  It was our first experience in a race type atmosphere, even though it was technically a “ride,” not a race.  Good thing too, because one minute after the ride officially started, it began raining.  The course was almost entirely lonely dirt roads, so the mudfest started pretty quick.  The 132 or so riders trudged through the slop, which featured tons of climbing in a surprisingly beautiful landscape (I’d never known that the area just west of Dallas was marked by scenic, rolling hills) .  By the time people were pulling in at midstage, the course was just mud soup, and all but 16 riders called it quits.  Pat and I were among the quitters at 54 miles.  Quite frankly, with little experience, no cell reception, and no maps or GPS to guide me, I was not too anxious to attempt the second leg!  But we met some great people and had a fantastic time, and we are already signed up for our next race, The Texas Chainring Massacre on March 21st!  First though, we’re headed out to the Texas hill country west of Austin for our second full-on TD simualtion.  Two days, 200 miles.  Check back soon for that one, and I’ll leave you with a few more pic from the Red River Riot.  Thanks for reading!

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